I haven't been going to the robotics meetings at school this summer because my family and I don't feel comfortable going back to school yet. I've been keeping up with projects online but I know I'm not getting a lot of the information the others are getting. I think I'm the only 5th grader not there.
My robotics teammate from last year emailed me last night to let me know our teams were split up. I was upset about that. I thought our all girl team worked really well together. But what I'm really upset about is that the new team I'm on, I'm the only 5th grader. I'm the only returning member on the team. All the other 5th graders got to be on teams with all other 5th graders.
I feel like I'm being punished because I'm not at the meetings, even though I'm still doing the work from home. I think I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. They haven't said anything. I feel like all the work I've done before doesn't matter. I'm one of the few people who has taken robotics since 3rd grade. Last year, I was one of the few people who went to every practice session except when I was sick. I thought I did pretty well last year being my team's 1st driver. I guess it just matters that I'm not there now. I just wish someone told me this from the beginning. I said it was ok if I couldn't be on the team because I wasn't going to go to the library meetings yet. They said it was ok. If I knew that not being physically at the meetings would make me be part of a 4th grade team, I might have changed my mind about joining again this year.
I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. I really like robotics and I know I should be thankful I'm on the team. Some of my friends who were on the team last year aren't on it this year because they had to make the team smaller. But I feel really stressed about being the ONLY returning member on a 4th grade team. It wouldn't be so bad if there was at least one other 5th grader with me to share some of the responsibilities.
I haven't officially heard anything from my teachers so maybe I'm getting emotional for nothing. If it is true, I'm not sure what to do. I really want to be in robotics but my initial feeling is that I want to quit if this is how the whole year is going to be like, that I'm being punished for missing a few days of in person meetings, which is probably less than what some people missed all last year. Or maybe the work I've been turning in online has been bad. I don't know, I haven't heard. But part of me thinks, maybe I should keep going and make the best of it. Prove to them that they can't break me and that I'm not a team member they can just throw away. But I also don't want to be somewhere where they don't want me and someplace that I'm going to be angry all the time. Sigh...
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